If you need me to explain, then you don't live here.

I received an email today informing me that a good friend lost her brother-in-law Sunday. You can read the story by clicking here on foxnews.com. I'm sure if you watch the national news you will be seeing the story soon. He was a pastor in Illinois, just outside of St Louis. A man came into the church and shot him while he was in the middle of his sermon. The article reports that the man had brought enough ammunition for 30 rounds but the gun jammed after just 4. Some people will blame God for allowing this to happen. But let me tell you with certainty, God had nothing to do with it. The devil is at work in our world and this reeks of him. Don't get me wrong, God was involved. He jammed that gun after only 4 rounds. And the only man that died was the pastor. That breaks my heart beyond what I can express here, but that man was ready to meet God. God did not cause this to happen, but He will use it to bring more people to Him.

I ask that you please pray for this man's wife, Cindy, and his two daughters. Pray for his mother, and the rest of their family. I spoke with my friend right before I posted this and they are shocked, but they can already see God moving and working in people's lives because of this tragedy.

I was checking up on some of the kids I read about on Carepages today. They are kids from all over the country, most of whom have HLHS like Damon. And sadly some who have gone to be with Jesus. Another mom posted of a little angel girl who passed away yesterday after complications with her heart transplant. I struggle to understand this, and realize that I never will. I feel so blessed to have Damon and that he is thriving right now and yet have to fight back the fear (sometimes daily) that it could all turn around in a moment. There are certain realities that I don't like to face. That he is having another surgery. That the future is absolutely uncertain. That Damon will be different, limited in some ways, for the rest of his life. Then there are the realities that I cling to, that keep my head above water. That he is fine, right now in this moment. That despite my fears, God is in control. That He has his hand of protection on Damon and is keeping it there. And that despite the surgeries, procedures, medicines, and pain that we've all faced together, having our son here is better than not having him. Only God can explain why some children stay and some are called home. I know that I take Damon for granted so often, and let him frustrate me a lot but the reality is that there are families out there right now trying to make it through this week of their son's 3rd birthday, which he will never get to celebrate. God help me to understand, to see things from your perspective and forgive me for not seeing my reality clearly.