I'm writing today to regretfully tell you that baby Parker went to be with Jesus on Dec 30th while his mommy and daddy held him. He lived for 11 days at St Louis Children's Hospital. The doctors tried their best to make his little heart work but God had other plans for Parker. His funeral was this morning and while it was short, the preacher had a great message of hope and comfort for his parents Adam and Heather.
So that is the factual information. Here's how I feel. It was unbelievably hard to go to that funeral. To see that precious baby lying there in that tiny coffin and his little stuffed animals there next to him. And even as I type that my eyes well up with tears from the guilt I'm feeling. Guilt that I would even be able to focus on how hard it is for me when I look over and see his parents holding each other as they bury their only child. Guilt that I have two boys and they don't even have one. Guilt that my baby with HLHS lived and is doing well while theirs didn't even make it to two weeks old. I just can't understand it. It's not fair and I don't know how to reconcile it in my head. I understand that God is working his plan and that He is still in control but I don't always like His plan. Why do some children make it and some don't. Why do people like that have to struggle to even get pregnant and then when they do their baby has to have a serious heart condition and then he doesn't even make it. I just don't understand. I got to Lacey's to pick up Damon and I just am so greatful that he is here and healthy that I have to just hold him and sob and yet I feel so guilty. I want to make it all better for all of them. I don't feel worthy to have him sometimes, espcially today, and I think about how frustrating he can be and it makes me just want to give him anything and everything he wants because at least he is alive. I don't know how to handle this at all. I have read about many heart kids that didn't make it but it's harder this time because I have met these people and know them.
Please pray for Adam and Heather and their families. Pray that the Holy Spirit will be present with them every minute to comfort and hold them.
What We're Up To
Want to see what we've been doing? Click Here!
About Me
- Damon Cochran
- CJ, MO, United States
- Damon was born on Nov 16, 2006 in St. Louis, MO. He has a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Damon has had 2 of the 3 surgeries he will need to repair his heart. God is given glory for all he has done for Damon so far and will continue to do. God bless all of you who check this site; you are loved so much and thank you for your prayers and support.
Links
See me in action!
Things Damon Loves!
Growler
McDonald's Cheeseburgers
Barney
Drums
The Wiggles
McDonald's Cheeseburgers
Barney
Drums
The Wiggles
Blog Archive
1 comments:
Aw Sarah, My heart breaks for you that you feel guilt. Though understandable, I want you to try to stop feeling that way. You know that God chose you to be Damon's mother because of the strength you have inside you. You have been blessed with a heathly living child while the others were blessed with just a short time with theirs. You know God has a plan and I know it is hard to understand sometimes, but please take the experiences that you have been given to help others. You are so humble and you gave comfort to this family if only for a little while. You were there for them. Be strong and love your children unconditionally. I know you do already.
Adam and Heather, I'm so sad for them, but I pray will get thru this and also be strengthened by their experience. Stay their friend.
Post a Comment